Papa Igneel
by Aranae9523
Summary: Helping Natsu proves to be a very difficult thing with his sons antics for upsetting pretty blonde girls. Don't read if you don't understand sexual innuendoes and can't handle those references.
1. Daddy Igneel

Okay if you have been reading my Papa Redfox series this is similar but not as good, you have to get through all the vulgar puns-I don't know where this story went but please bare with me, I was very bored.  
Just keep in mind that this is the kind of depiction I would see Igneel who needs to help make amends for Natsu's stupidness.  
 ** _Disclaimer_ ~Hiro Mashima is not me.**

* * *

"Oh come on kiddo it can't be that _bad_."

"Of course it's _that_ bad! She's never going to speak to me again..." Igneel sighed.

He tried to be encouraging but Natsu just wouldn't relent he's adamant that this Lucy Heartfellia will never forgive him.

"First of all what did you do?" _'Lets try to go about this calmly'_ Igneel told himself, it's better to get teenage boys to open up...isn't that what Grandine said?

"I told her she has nice _jugs_."

Igneel's eyes popped out from their sockets.

 _He said what?!_

"You-you of course she is going to be angry!" Igneel spluttered losing his easily provoked temper.

"I know that's what I said, how was I supposed to know it would offend her?" Igneel's face was turning as red as the ink for the dragon tattoo on his back.

"Of course she would be offended you _idiot_!"

"Oh but that's not the worst part..." _What is this kid learning?!_

"What else did you do _Natsu Dragneel?_ "

"I asked her if I could pet her pussy," Igneel nearly collapsed from how perverted his kid really is.

"Natsu _what have you done?!_ "

"I know! After she cried I had to ask if she had a ride home she said she didn't have one and I offered to ride her back to her place but that only made her cry even more..." Well aside from the fact I have a screwed up idiot for a son I sighed grasping his shoulder.

"Don't be so upset I'm sure this will brush over..." in like? Never.

"Really, _you think so_?"

I nodded halfheartedly trying to make the nod convincing.

Man this girl is going to hate you for the rest of your life you perverted idiot.

"Dad I even thought she wanted to see it..." Oh geez what perverted thing haven't you said to the poor girl?

"See _what_ exactly?"

"My dragon," silence befuddled us.

His what?

"Your _dragon_."

"Yeah the one I keep in my pants..."

Igneel slapped his forehead.

 _Man, this kid is taking inches of his life with just one conversation._

"How about...we go get some ice cream?" Igneel couldn't find a solution to Natsu's problem other than trying to induce amnesia on this Lucy...

"Sounds great..." It does not! Igneel thought about punishing Natsu but he seemed genuinely upset by what he said to this Lucy maybe it had been in the spur of the moment.

Natsu and Igneel walked along the street comfortably walking, Igneel was still honing down his temper trying to convince himself that violence is not what this situation needs right now.

As they headed for the ice cream shop Natsu grew even more depressed that Igneel laid a hand on his shoulder for comfort.

But they were soon held up by a young blonde woman wearing a short skirt and white blouse.

She began to speak just as Natsu uttered her name.

"Lucy-"

"Natsu I thought about what you said, and I'm sorry. I like that you liked them...I'm sorry I just have a hard time believing that myself."

"But they are amazing Lucy, your jugs are fantastic," Igneel definitely couldn't deny that she's definitely well endowed there.

"Thanks, I still don't think I should have taken ceramics class..." Wait what?! _Ceramics class?_

"Don't be like that and yesterday with-" okay this must be the second point Natsu made about petting he-Lucy cut him off.

"Yeah I know. I started crying because I couldn't let you pet her, my neighbour is strict about it I'm sorry Natsu I knew Happy was starting to like her." What a peculiar conversation this is, _what kind of neighbours does this girl have?_ Igneel was flabbergasted she doesn't sound in the least upset.

"It's okay, I'm sure Happy will get over it," Happy as in the cat Happy? The one I got for Natsu and Lisanna to play around with. That kind of Pussy Cat!

"Also the ride home? My dad has a security system that if you were to come within a ten meters radius the private police that works for my father would be notified-you could have been shot on the spot so I hope you didn't misunderstand. You can ride with me next week though-I got a new bike last week." _Wait when did a bike and a private police force get into this conversation?_

"Sounds great Luce."

Suddenly the girl named Lucy shyly blushed.

"By the way can I see your dragon?"

"Of course you can... _now_?" Don't you _dare_ kid! Igneel mentally growled, _not in damn public!_

But soon he was shocked by her response.

She nodded, _oh dear what kind of girl is she!_

"Ta-dah!" Natsu presented her with the Red Dragon keychain that Igneel brought him last week which was in the side pocket of his pants.

 _Huh?_ That's the _dragon_ he was talking about?

Igneel tried to make out what had just happened as he blushed furiously stumbling away from the talking pair going into regression mode.

"Is that your dad?" Igneel heard from over his shoulder.

"Yeah he's cool, he didn't give me much help on _compensation_ though..."

Igneel was definitely going to give that kid a beating when he gets home, _compensation my ass!_


	2. Peeping Tom

**Peeping Tom!  
** **Disclaimer~ Hiro Mashima's work, not mine.**

* * *

Igneel stood at the door of his son's room, from outside he could hear two teens studying perfectly...or so he thought.

"Natsu don't be so rough..." He heard the feminine voice of Lucy Heartfellia.

It did make Igneel a tiny bit curious when Lucy had earlier appeared at the door of his home and asked if the two of them could study for an up and coming physics test.

"Sorry...can you pass me the spare?" Spare what?

"Here..."

He heard Natsu hum in approval, "thanks that's better, you're the best Luce, always prepared," prepared? Are they doing something that needs preparation?

Igneel pressed his ear to the door, his red hair rubbing against the wood.

"Wait further to the _left_..." this was followed by an elicit moan, definitely a feminine one.

"Yep... _right there_ ," are they really doing what Igneel thinks they're doing?

"Natsu I can't, my shoulder is killing me."

Igneel felt slightly perverted for his actions but he felt slightly proud.

Especially reeling in a pretty fish like Lucy, but aren't they moving a little to fast? But Igneel was overwhelmed he didn't think Natsu would never get involved with a girl, he isn't a bright light bulb, maybe even the dimmest. You know what, Natsu is the light bulb that never turns on, no matter how hard you try.

"Go straight, stop making this difficult," _wait my son is sloppy? Should I give him pointers? Maybe even a book with positions_.

"Hey Natsu _watch out_!" He heard Lucy yelp, Igneel was ready to burst in but he we was unsure of how much he can handle seeing his son scandalously holing a rich young woman, who may or may not be dressed inappropriately.

"Sorry, you're _soaked_..." Igneel blushed.

Maybe he should be at least a little proud of his son.

"It's okay, calm down just watch where you're going next time, go _slower_ -" wow, this Lucy sounds experienced.

"We should probably clean up, before dad comes in..."

"Yeah, but before that, you know you did really good...like _exceptionally_ well, it's my _first time_ doing this but it worked out well-can we do it again...?" Igneel was getting prouder by the second, _he must be good_.

So after that they're going to stay together?

"Maybe tomorrow?" Igneel didn't remember having that kind of energy when he was younger...in fact Igneel was pretty sure he was still interested in play fighting with his old friend Metalicana back then-but it seems Natsu is advanced already.

"Can't I have plans with Cana but maybe I can come later...when your dad isn't home? I'm pretty sure we can both finish up next time."

Igneel felt like he should go and brag to Metalicana about his son's achievement, that brawny teen of his isn't going as fast as Igneel's is. But he did overhear about that incident with Gajeel and a certain Librarian...

Igneel cringed.

Because of his distracting thoughts Igneel wasn't able to hear what his sons reaponse.

But he heard Lucy's.

"Yeah! That sounds great I know a few people that would love to join..."

Does Natsu realise what could happen if they add a few more people.

Igneel knew for sure that Natsu would be heartbroken.

Privacy is important in a relationship.

Without a second thought Igneel burst through the door, and then he wished he hadn't.

There sat Natsu casually lounging on the bed whilst Lucy was at Natsu's desk scribbling on a piece of paper... _don't even try kid, I know this is a cover up I bet she was all over you a second ago-_ Igneel mentally growled.

"Uhh hey Pops, what's up?"

Igneel flushed red, clearly embarrassed, but he began to imagine what face he would make if Lucy and Natsu were both naked doing exactly what Igneel had thought they were.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing I was just wondering what you two were doing?"

"Study," _yeah...right and I'm actually a dragon!_

"Okay then, can I see your progress?"

"Of course Mr Dragneel," Lucy said cheerfully, handing him her paper.

He looked over her work...it looked fine.

"And you Natsu?" Natsu's head was tilted down.

"Can't..." He grumbled looking ashamed.

"Why?"

 _Oh and here the truth comes._

"Because..." Natsu took a deep breath, "I was too _rough_ and kept breaking holes through the graph paper."

 _Wait._

Lucy didn't allow Igneel the chance to decipher his thoughts, "yeah, we nearly ran out of spare paper, because of that and the fact he can't plot the points on a graph, he always put them to the right."

Natsu snapped his neck in her direction, while Igneel was frozen like a solid rock.

Is that the spare _something_ they were talking about?

"At least I got the straight line right."

Igneel is far more obtuse than he thought.

"After I helped you by holding the ruler in that awkward position, I told you my shoulder was killing me."

Igneel shifted his eyes between the two while thinking, _wait I thought-_

Suddenly Lucy stood growing exceedingly irritated with Natsu, and upon her stance Igneel spotted a damp part on her jacket like water had been tipped on her.

The light bulb lit in Igneel's head, ' _you're soaked_ ' oh.

"Natsu you're the one that wanted to do study together I told you it is my first time doing this at least appreciate my help," Natsu sighed.

"I'm sorry Luce, I did enjoy today though, I just want it to be the two of us, I don't like the idea of Cana interfering she'd be drunk by the time we get to the porch considering she's sober at the start of the driveway," oh my niece? An alcoholic at eighteen...

So this was just another misunderstanding! Without warning Igneel fainted due to the overwhelming issues he seems to have with his son, and one thought was in his mind.

 _This kid is going to put me in retirement forty years to early!_


End file.
